My voice

Are You Giving Space To Your Child? – Imperfect Parenting

Let’s talk about how and why to raise your child imperfectly.

W༙h༙y༙ I༙m༙p༙e༙r༙f༙e༙c༙t༙i༙o༙n༙?

You are a new mother. Feeling motherhood for the first time. You want the best for your child.  You make sure your kids don’t fall down, hurt themselves, not even a fever while growing up as you are doing everything perfectly for them.

They live according to the “perfect routine” you create for them. You cuddle them, kiss them, love them unconditionally.

But have you ever thought about what your child wants? They are growing up in the perfect atmosphere you created for them, that they are conditioned to think that this is what is best for them.
Your need for perfection makes them incapable of developing a perspective.

In your attempt to give the best to them, have you ticked the following checklist?

1. Importance of NO

‘No’ is a powerful word. It is a debatable matter as to how often you should say no to your child. While I agree that if we say no to everything they won’t get to explore and get the negative vibes.
But in situations where you should say No, you must say No. They might throw tantrums. Try ti reason with them, distract them. But once you know that their tantrums are their protest to your No, Ignore them YES, LET YOUR CHILD KNOW THAT UNDUE TANTRUMS AND STUBBORNNESS WILL BE IGNORED.

2. Learning to get up

You would be scared of whether they will fall down or hurt themselves. You might be heartbroken to see the bruises once they fall down. In order to avoid it, you childproof the whole house and be around them 24/7. But you are depriving them of the greatest lesson of their lives. To learn, to know their strength, to be strong themselves and to be fearless.

Let them fall down, let them bruise themselves, let them get up, let them learn to tolerate the pain. Let them know their worth.

Imperfect parenting continues.


3. Give them some ‘me time’


You should realize the fact that your child is an individual. In an attempt to give him/her the best, you end up denying them that which is most important – space and privacy.

Kids need to learn to deal with their boredom. Let them be alone for a while at least. You can monitor them from somewhere distant.

The most important advantage of giving them time is that they learn about themselves.

4. Scribbled walls aren’t dirty


Let’s think of the detergent ad that says ‘daag ache hain’. Let your child play in the dirt, dance in the rain, and draw on the walls.

Let me share a personal experience.:-
My kids had sinusitis, tonsilitis, and adenoiditis. Their immunity level was nil. But they had this unrelenting love for rain and nature.
I took a major risk by letting them play in the rain. It started off as letting them play for 2 minutes first and slowly widening the duration every time. I was surprised to see how fast they adapted to it and didn’t even fall sick. Now they play in the rain do hours.
The did fall sick but never from playing in the rain.

Scribbling on the walls was yet another hobby. There are several ways to stop them from doing so. But I didn’t want to try them. What’s wrong with scribbling on the walls?
If someone comes to your house and judge you with a scribbled wall, let them. Why pay heed to people who cannot enjoy a child’s cute act?
Remember that there are scores of people out there who crave to see such a sight in their homes.

5. Bring them up in homes, not museums.


My kids are naughty, reached milestones late, destroys toys, didn’t learn anything on time, despite seeing me read all the time or maybe because of that, they hate reading(they used to love it when the were small), don’t listen to what I say( well most of the time), don’t have a systematic life, don’t sleep on time, don’t wake up on time, don’t take shower on time unless I scream at them. BUT… I AM SURE THEY ARE THE FINEST AND KINDEST HUMAN BEINGS. That’s what matter the most for me.

14 thoughts on “Are You Giving Space To Your Child? – Imperfect Parenting”

  1. this is a great post.. I do believe kids need to feel and understand what boredom is .. it is then they start valuing other things they get .. and I admire your last point.. accepting the kids the way they are is important and you are a great parent for just doing that

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  2. Totally and absolutely agree with what you have written. Despite the impulse to protect my kids all the time, I try to let. I have tried my best to let them be the people they are intrinsically rather than moulding them into a perfect mould. My middle one loves to scribble everywhere…I thought about saying no or asking him to confine himself to one wall, but then decided not to curb his creativity.

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  3. I’m totally imperfect. I mean I do not have a routine. But because of school I make sure my daughter sleeps on time because she has to wake up on time. Still timings are not on the dot for her or for me or for my son.

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  4. Yes agree with you completely. As a parent we always have a higher set of expectations from kids and with a desire to fullfill them we mostly behave and talk in an authoritative tone. But as you said it is more important to embrace imperfections in parenting. Enjoying small moments of togetherness is more important than always looking for perfection.

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  5. I agree with all the pointers except scribbling on the the walls..instead I got a sheet which i pasted on the wall and let them scribble on it…I feel little bit of discipline is also important too but again everyone has their own ways.

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  6. It’s always important to frame rules for kids but with limits as sometimes they like to grow according to what they like or dislike nice post thank you for sharing out and discussing.

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  7. I have never tried to be a perfect parent. Always believe my kids to learn n unlearn on their own with little bit guidance from their parents

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  8. With my little experience of this parenthood, I have learned one thing that there is no set rule of parenting. Loved reading your take on this topic 🙂

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  9. I like how you recommend a more relaxed approach to parenting. i see parents who push their kids like drill sergeants and i wonder when they will get to just be kids and enjoy.
    on the other hand,i see the other extreme too these days in the lock down. i feel, balance is a crucual key!

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  10. I loved this post! Parents often hover over their kids and train them to lead lives according to their own choices. It’s unfair and also stunts their personal growth. Let them be.

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  11. As a mom of two, I need my mee time and that invariably turns to be a me time for my kids. Also at home or otherwise, after my basic mommy duties are over, I ask my kids ro do their own things while I am away doing my own. This helps kids think for them selves and also be independent I feel.

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