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Pregnancy before Marriage- righteousness, and pragmatism

This could be an inappropriate post for many. Many righteous beings might find this post blasphemous. Feel free to pass your judgment.

As most of you know, I met my husband when I was 16. After nearly a decade long courtship, we married and had our daughter even before our 1st anniversary. She was preterm but she was 2KG and hence doc said there is no need to keep her in a warmer.

Lo and behold! The couple that was all over the place for so many years had a preterm baby that was not kept inside a warmer. This child is conceived before marriage!

Well, we got married on Nov 28 and had our “premie” on Sep 6. You can calculate for yourself. The human species cannot carry a baby for more than 9 months. So either I should be an elephant  or a character in some mega serial to have a longer gestation period. Even after 9 years, the story is doing rounds.
My friends comforted me telling me that even if such a story is going rounds, you married him. So the matter is closed.

THIS IS NOT THE REAL POINT BEHIND MY POST

WHAT IF?
WHAT IF I CONCEIVED BEFORE MARRIAGE?
WHAT IF I DIDN’T MARRY MY CHILD’S FATHER?
WHAT IF I DON’T MARRY AT ALL?

In an era when sex workers are gaining their due respect, girls who conceive before marriage are judged and loathed.

The result!

Kids end up in orphanages. I personally know hospitals that have a tie-up with orphanages to handover these “conceived-before-marriage” kids.

What if these illegitimate kids are born preterm?

When the mother is not ready to claim her child, who will pay for the NICU treatment?

Nobody!

What about their fate?
A whole can of worms will be let out if we ponder more into it.

When will they stop judging an unmarried mother?

When will they shed the sense of entitlement which weighs above humanity?

Above all, when will they learn to wear a condom, for God’s sake?

#motherhood

120 thoughts on “Pregnancy before Marriage- righteousness, and pragmatism”

  1. Our society is full of conservative people so we should be progressive and talk about these things very openly. To make a change in our society we have to change our opinions and thoughts.

    1. This is very controversial topic has our society is so conservative , but we should be more open about it . It is not a crime

  2. Our society is full of conservative people so we should be progressive and talk about these things very openly. To make a change in our society we have to change our opinions and thoughts.

    1. This is very controversial topic has our society is so conservative , but we should be more open about it . It is not a crime

  3. The society in which we are living has so narrow-minded thoughts, and it’s a great perceptive we should talk about these things openly.

  4. The society in which we are living has so narrow-minded thoughts, and it’s a great perceptive we should talk about these things openly.

  5. Honestly everyone in the society is going to drag you down. It’s upto you how you rise above it. We are often misunderstood if we share our thoughts.

  6. Honestly everyone in the society is going to drag you down. It’s upto you how you rise above it. We are often misunderstood if we share our thoughts.

  7. Our society likes to believe what they like to fantasize 🙄
    One cannot make everyone happy. We will lose our happiness in doing so. So we better focus on ourselves n grow more. Let’s push this society out of our way.

  8. Our society likes to believe what they like to fantasize 🙄
    One cannot make everyone happy. We will lose our happiness in doing so. So we better focus on ourselves n grow more. Let’s push this society out of our way.

  9. This is a very sensitive , less talked about topic but really need of the hour to openly discuss this, thanks for bringing up such issues dear👏

  10. This is a very sensitive , less talked about topic but really need of the hour to openly discuss this, thanks for bringing up such issues dear👏

  11. I honestly feel emotional and proud for you, your story is really heart touchting and Beautiful as well ❤️
    I don’t care what other think or say about this but honestly I just fell in love with this. And society…. Ahhhh Just ignore 🤨🤗

  12. I honestly feel emotional and proud for you, your story is really heart touchting and Beautiful as well ❤️
    I don’t care what other think or say about this but honestly I just fell in love with this. And society…. Ahhhh Just ignore 🤨🤗

  13. That was so on point girl. Why are women judged for their life choices always. It’s ones choice to have a Child or not. Have it before marriage or after or not at all.

  14. That was so on point girl. Why are women judged for their life choices always. It’s ones choice to have a Child or not. Have it before marriage or after or not at all.

  15. Honestly saying, everyone in the society is so much interested in others life. And because of this they judge people, which is so wrong. Everyone must understand that a person can do whatever they like unless they are not hurting themselves or others.

  16. Honestly saying, everyone in the society is so much interested in others life. And because of this they judge people, which is so wrong. Everyone must understand that a person can do whatever they like unless they are not hurting themselves or others.

  17. We as a society really reed to stop making some situations taboo and start focusing on other things. If someone had conceived before marriage then it’s not our place to be judging, but depending on the situation of the mother we should have a way of helping. Talking about this issues is important because it removes the stigma and helps society be better.

  18. We as a society really reed to stop making some situations taboo and start focusing on other things. If someone had conceived before marriage then it’s not our place to be judging, but depending on the situation of the mother we should have a way of helping. Talking about this issues is important because it removes the stigma and helps society be better.

  19. Is there a place on the face of earth where we could be less victim of judgments? We indians especially are those who have worshipped ‘slut shaming’ and badged ourselves as the most cultured society!!!

  20. Is there a place on the face of earth where we could be less victim of judgments? We indians especially are those who have worshipped ‘slut shaming’ and badged ourselves as the most cultured society!!!

  21. This this is the true face of Indian society where at one end people are talking about the upliftmen of women’s ,women empowerment and their rights and other end when the women is actually in need no one stands by her …..and unfortunately it is the women only who gossip most at such times and let the other women down…WE need to rise in our thoughts actions and get some sensitivity for this subject ..

  22. This this is the true face of Indian society where at one end people are talking about the upliftmen of women’s ,women empowerment and their rights and other end when the women is actually in need no one stands by her …..and unfortunately it is the women only who gossip most at such times and let the other women down…WE need to rise in our thoughts actions and get some sensitivity for this subject ..

  23. We all are surrounded with conservative people and because of that though we don’t want to think like we tend to at times … it’s the worst thing when a woman only talks about this … it’s so well written

  24. We all are surrounded with conservative people and because of that though we don’t want to think like we tend to at times … it’s the worst thing when a woman only talks about this … it’s so well written

  25. That is so true…our society is filled with a lot of hypocrites… people are quick to judge without even considering the consequences. Issues are raised according to convenience.

  26. That is so true…our society is filled with a lot of hypocrites… people are quick to judge without even considering the consequences. Issues are raised according to convenience.

  27. This is very controversial topic has our society is so conservative
    This post is really good you have done really good job

  28. This is very controversial topic has our society is so conservative
    This post is really good you have done really good job

  29. I would say no one can judge no one because only God can judge, but unfortunately people love talking and gossiping about others without looking into their own life! And life is very hard something or circumstances and things can happen in life! We all should look for our lives and not others!

  30. I would say no one can judge no one because only God can judge, but unfortunately people love talking and gossiping about others without looking into their own life! And life is very hard something or circumstances and things can happen in life! We all should look for our lives and not others!

  31. Michellemujgan.mua

    You have touched on a very good point… people should stop sticking their noses into peoples life and live in a humanity way.

  32. Michellemujgan.mua

    You have touched on a very good point… people should stop sticking their noses into peoples life and live in a humanity way.

  33. Wow . Such an exceptional writing and such important topic. India has a long way to go untill it can normalise pre martial sex or pregnancy .

  34. Wow . Such an exceptional writing and such important topic. India has a long way to go untill it can normalise pre martial sex or pregnancy .

  35. Dr. Surbhi Prapanna

    Yes in our society there are some fixed norm that is expected to follow by everyone. I really like the way you had shared your thoughts so bravely without having a fear of being judged.

  36. Dr. Surbhi Prapanna

    Yes in our society there are some fixed norm that is expected to follow by everyone. I really like the way you had shared your thoughts so bravely without having a fear of being judged.

  37. Our society is conservative and I really feel sorry forgot mother and kids who are living in this society that does not care about mom and child but pass comment,make judgements

  38. Our society is conservative and I really feel sorry forgot mother and kids who are living in this society that does not care about mom and child but pass comment,make judgements

  39. Our society, our communities need to change for good. It is because of such people and their judgements that a newborn has to be given away by a mother(married or not). I did not change my maiden name, but till date I have come across many hospitals where while doing a small blood test, I had to explain that Im married and hve kids but it’s just that my name is not changed and that bothered them alot.

  40. Our society, our communities need to change for good. It is because of such people and their judgements that a newborn has to be given away by a mother(married or not). I did not change my maiden name, but till date I have come across many hospitals where while doing a small blood test, I had to explain that Im married and hve kids but it’s just that my name is not changed and that bothered them alot.

  41. To have a child and when to have a child is completely personal decision. Societal pressure and communities talking is a local affair for every step woman takes so ignoring them and moving ahead with personal notion is best we can do.

  42. To have a child and when to have a child is completely personal decision. Societal pressure and communities talking is a local affair for every step woman takes so ignoring them and moving ahead with personal notion is best we can do.

  43. Subjecting anyone to such kind of judgement is unfair and downright invasive. Girls having an active sex life before marriage is still a taboo and that’s what leads to abandonment of babies in case of unplanned pregnancies. This needs to change.

  44. Subjecting anyone to such kind of judgement is unfair and downright invasive. Girls having an active sex life before marriage is still a taboo and that’s what leads to abandonment of babies in case of unplanned pregnancies. This needs to change.

  45. No matter how advance, the society is still very conservative in its thoughts. I believe everyone has a right to their own choices and should not be judged for their preferences.

  46. No matter how advance, the society is still very conservative in its thoughts. I believe everyone has a right to their own choices and should not be judged for their preferences.

  47. I LOVE this post!!! This is such an important topic to talk about. People are grilled for their choices and decisions. No one has a right to pinpoint others and be moral police for people. Even if a baby is conceived before marriage, or born out of wedlock, people have no business in commenting.

  48. I LOVE this post!!! This is such an important topic to talk about. People are grilled for their choices and decisions. No one has a right to pinpoint others and be moral police for people. Even if a baby is conceived before marriage, or born out of wedlock, people have no business in commenting.

  49. It is a sad reality of our society. Not sure how long this stigma would be around but hats off to you to raise such a “bold” topic as per societal standards.

  50. It is a sad reality of our society. Not sure how long this stigma would be around but hats off to you to raise such a “bold” topic as per societal standards.

  51. Quite a thouoght provoking post this is. I understand as a spciety we have quite a lotof work to do and make this a bit better place for our future generations 🙂

  52. Quite a thouoght provoking post this is. I understand as a spciety we have quite a lotof work to do and make this a bit better place for our future generations 🙂

  53. There is more to it that just conceiving before marriage. However progressive we may be. You did marry your baby’s father but those who give birth and the father is not around, the kids are bullied no end. Please watch Tribhanga that released recently. As parents, you may have the tenacity to tolerate the jibes but kids are vulnerable and can be scarred for life.

  54. There is more to it that just conceiving before marriage. However progressive we may be. You did marry your baby’s father but those who give birth and the father is not around, the kids are bullied no end. Please watch Tribhanga that released recently. As parents, you may have the tenacity to tolerate the jibes but kids are vulnerable and can be scarred for life.

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