Challenges I Have Overcome
Karma! I have always visualized it as a daughter-in-law in the patriarchal family setup or in our daily sops, so to speak. You ask me why? Because come what may, anything that happens in your household or life, Karma is to be blamed. Karma is that easy outlet to pin the failures, disappointments, and lack of motivation. While we are at it, Karma would play its role for not putting up enough effort to overcome the challenges that come our way. To stay at the top of the game, we have to be in charge of our life and the challenges I have overcome as an SAHM have been immense. But to stay at the top of the game I had to. How to overcome a challenge as an SAHM?
While battling PPD after my second delivery, I used to visualize myself as a helpless soul sunken in a pit of despair. The thought that I am wasting my life, by changing nappies, was ingrained in my mind. As a Stay at home mom, I was conditioned to think that my life’s purpose was to raise healthy kids and maintain my home. But six years down the line, the realization dawned on me that I cannot let my caliber go in vain and I could simultaneously do my job as a mother without fail. How did I overcome a challenge and start afresh by staying at home for six years? Here are the basic steps I took and they became key points in the challenges I have overcome.
Recognise own’s worth
After spending years confined to home, my confidence had taken a hit. I believed that I lost my talent and perseverance. But when I decided to give life a second chance, I introspected and all I could think of was to write. I started writing poems again. Poems to short stories and finally a novel – when did my talent expand its horizon is still unknown to me.
If you are trying to resume your career, and are unsure where to start, you should start by noting down your strengths. While you enjoy your passion and convert it into a career. With social media at its hype, you can start by pitching for an online opportunity. There are numerous avenues out there. It’s all about where you look.
Plan ahead
We must have a solid foolproof plan to get past the competitive world. This is where journaling and manifestation helps.
Journaling
A journal is like your best friend. You can tell anything to a journal but when you talk to a journal make sure you address yourself with respect and positive ambitions. Note down your strengths and weaknesses. Point out your opportunities and challenges. Have multiple action plans as to how you are going to start because if something didn’t materialise, we should have something else to tap into. Search for opportunities that match your skill set.
Manifestation
If there is something that I blindly believe, it is the power of the law of attraction. Manifesting, your goals, putting it on paper, doing gratitude journal and visualizing it while you work on your goal. The manifestation has been stated in one line but to put it into action intensive brainstorming and perseverance is a must.
Talk to yourself
As weird as it sounds, talking to yourself gives you immense confidence, pushes you forward and instils a go getter attitude inside you. You might err in your process of getting back to your work regime but as a good friend, tell yourself where you faltered and how to rectify. A friend in need is a friend indeed. Be your best friend.
Learn to say NO
However difficult it seems, the power of telling no cannot be replaced with any alternative. When opportunities knock at your door, don’t jump at the first call. Pursue your opportunities, weigh the pros and cons, meanwhile pitch into other possibilities. But immense care needs to be invested in saying No without offending anyone because we never know if we have to go back to them at any point.
Share the load
The most foolish mistake that majority women make is to do everything themselves. Delegation is a virtue that you must master, be it a workspace or home. Ask your partner to share the load if you are the sole responsible one in the relationship. If you are single, modify your life to suit your career. If your kids are grown up, say 8 years and above, ask them to take responsibility for some household chores. The bottom line is that we should not be the only one responsible for the household.
Now that you know how to break the SAHM inertia, start from the basics first and slowly build the momentum. The challenges I have overcome might come across to you as something that every other woman faces. But the fact that it is common doesn’t make it light. You would be there but you might not realise because you are used to hearing ‘we have been through worse’. This is a sad reality that they all had it worse but shant we make it better for us?
This blog post is written for SpeakEasy3.0 and hosted by Dipika Singh and Ruchi Verma.
This blog post is also part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’
hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla.
I admire all SAHMs, my mom is one. Her life has always centred around us and she has been instrumental in us feeling safe and secure. I think that’s a good thing for children, but as you have pointed out, in that space, moms also need their own zone. You have really taken on some good habits to stay abreast such as journaling and positive affirmations. I like the way you have equated karma to a daughter-in-law in a patriarchal set-up! It truly is an endless task.
Honestly, excellent advice in this article – I have tried most of these, and like you, found them to be very helpful. Adding on ‘learning to say No’ to be strategy too.
Wow Rakhi, this post is an eye opener for all SAHMs. I also chose to opt for working from home after the covid period, for some personal reasons. I do feel clueless at times and don’t getting my preferred job roles makes feel depressed. But yes, having confidence on our works and being happy with our lives are two major factors for the ultimate peace of mind.
You are immensely talented and I am sure you will be able to excel in whatever you venture. Don’t feel low because your talent and caliber is not going anywhere
The concept of talking to oneself might seem unconventional, yet it resonates deeply as an effective tool for personal growth. Treating oneself as a supportive friend and guide, providing constructive feedback, and analyzing areas for improvement is a testament to the power of self-awareness and self-improvement. Your suggestion to be one’s best friend beautifully highlights the importance of self-compassion and self-coaching.
Learning to say “no” is indeed a skill that can revolutionize one’s life. Your perspective on thoroughly evaluating opportunities and thoughtfully declining without causing offense showcases a nuanced approach to balancing commitments. The emphasis on being mindful of the future and the potential need to reconnect with those opportunities is a strategic way of navigating decisions.
This post resonates with me totally. I too believe manifesting, spending time with your thoughts and feelings is very important to be more self aware. Sometimes we don’t even know what all we ate capable of. This post is a reminder to all is that nothing is impossible if you manifest.
Thanks for sharing this post , Rakhi.It resonates so much with most of us. We have all come this far because we wanted something for ourselves. You have rightly mentioned all the pointers as that helps one to be on top.Its an eye – opener for all SAHMs.
I admire your courage, Rakhi. They say, it takes a village to bring up a child and you have shared the insecurities of a new mom so well. Focus and believing in yourself is the key.
To say no is so tough but yes we have to apply. I am not a mother and my mother was employed for 30 years but I can understand the challenges you went through when I worked with many SAHM of many communities. You found your purpose. That’s the victory.
Yes indeed. ❤️
Very important points for everyone. Self worth is very important, whatever makes you feel proud of yourself is important. While i was on sabbatical from work and being a full time blogger, I myself felt under utilized.
I could so resonate with this post, because after being in the professional field for 7 yrs and giving it all up for kids, it was getting very difficult mentally to accept myself being at home and not being financially independent. But now I have also started accepting my role at home and setting boundaries.
You nailed it..wonderful advice..For me the most important is learn to say NO, which most of us struggle for sure. This little advice can make life heaven.
Yes totally
Hello RJ 😍
Reading your article makes me realise that you have been through the deep waters of struggle. You speak like someone who knows what it is to be downtrodden. As far as I know such feelings aren’t always a single phase but can get recurrent. My hope, wish and prayer is that you continue to fight and soar up to the surface every single time. ❣️❣️
Thanks Prisha. Yes I have been there and I am out of it. Hence trying to help others as well
Rakhi these are truly some of the blessings that we can give to a person who is a SAHM. Most of us have been through this phase and people make us feel how thankless they are for the efforts we take. I guess times have changed and we need to adopt a different style of living by saying no, taking ourselves seriously, not letting anyone ruin our dignity and so on. Loved reading the reality and we can get past it by using these simple suggestions.
RJ, I had been this through recently. It took me 1 year to overcome. It happened with my first child too. Journalling really make difference. I practice gratitude also. So I can say now my life is more towards positive. Yes, your tips are helpful. Sharing the load without any guilt is also necessary.
I was lucky to be an army wife. They sure have a way to keep you busy with welfare activities. That also helps recognize your worth. Your post will be very useful for all the stay at home moms. We need more uplifting posts like these.
I really applaud SAHM’. You overcame all odds and have made your life richer. I could never say No. I started journaling only two months ago. It’s a solace to put it all down, but I never did it before. I admire you. You are a gem and I am so blessed to know you. God Bless!
Rakhi I remained very outspoken about the concept of SAHM. Somehow it never attracts me and I always prefer WFHM (work from home mom) over SAHM. I always give huge importance to be financially independent even how well my partner earns and can feed me well while I take care of family. I know kids need mom”s presence and its important for their wellbeing , but how to be present in their life when they need you the most without compromising on your financial independence and identity is the real art. If I am not happy I cant make others happy and in no way I want to use the statement for my kid in future ” I sacrificed my career for you”. A time will come when kids will grow and take their own path based on their career demands leaving you back at home. Those moments are the most painful one and one finds herself to be lonely the most that time. I experienced that very closely in my own family. My mother was working and even after retirement and we moving out for career demands she still has a circle to mingle for quality talks and do many social works. The story is completly different at my in laws side. My MIL is educated but wished to stay back at home for childcare and family. Now she repents when none of the kids for career demands are with her and she feels herself useless and make every possible effort to drag attention towards her which in turn showcases her insecurity in life. I am proud of you that you overcome the SAHM challenges and remained at the top. There are countless work from home options and business oppurtunities to do from home. If we wish to be independent we can even staying at home.
This post is such a help to all SAHM moms many of us including me after having my first kid felt I need to quit my job to look after my baby and then was totally detached from my work life till it took me sometime slowly right to start from blogging to making videos to a full time Youtuber ofcourse a little hubby advice and finally taking pride on my hard work on HowHacks.
O wow! Rakhi your advice on journaling, manifestation and talking to oneself really resonates with me. It’s incredible how these simple practices can boost confidence and keep us on track. And of course, sharing the load is very important. Some women may feel that their partners don’t always offer help automatically. So, it’s important to communicate and ask for help when needed. Don’t assume that they will understand your problem without asking. Of course, this may not apply to all like me 😄, but it’s a good practice to ensure you always ask and get the support you need.
Learning to say ‘No’ is indeed and I’ve begun to use it. While it might seem challenging, it is a valuable tool for maintaining a healthy work-life balance and setting personal boundaries.
Thanks for sharing your insight on overcoming SAHM challenges – it is inspiring to read your thoughts.
I would love to experience this one day which can also give me an opportunity to explore more on my skills and talents. Never thought of it thoroughly as always I have been a working woman.
Your posts are always honest and straight from the heart, Rakhi. Thank you for sharing your journey and being an inspiration to SAHM. It is a fine balance but quite possible to chart out their own path successfully.
Truly amazing post. Stay at home moms have it so difficult. The world may not understand the challenges sahm may face. I am sure your post is surely going to transform and help someone struggling.
I am not a mother but believe me Rakhi I thing being a SAHM itself is a challenge, being a mother is a challenge. And you are truly an inspiration.
As someone who has experienced this myself, I totally agree with you. Leaving our comfort zone is hard, scary even, but unless we motivate ourselves to break out, nothing else helps. We must focus our energies on ourselves and work towards it.
Journalling helps me a lot to navigate difficult times. It’s like a mirror that helps me to see the good and bad aspects of life. Obviously, if someone reads it may not appreciate it but for me, it’s a way to vent out my emotions rather than lashing out to closed people.
What a powerful post Rakhi… wish every SAHM thought like you. Overcoming PPD with so much positivity in itself is a commendable task n then becoming a poet and a published author… wow! Hats off!!
Keep going…
Having positive outlook, journaling, gratitude anr visualization all sounds great a very useful post about overcoming low self-esteem.
I’m with you on all of this! Nobody will ever know how much of a job is being a SAHM until they become one. Having a full-time job while being a mom is one thing but being with your children the whole day with only them and your household chores to see and do can be overwhelming if not given much thought and planning.
While I agree with all the points you’ve mentioned, but what tops for me is that you need someone, preferably a family member (a parent from either side of the family) to offer support with the kids. Alternatively, you can hire someone reliable who can take care of the family and the kids in your absence. Indian women spend a major part of their life planning what to cook, what groceries to buy and childrens’ schedules. Only if these can be outsourced to someone can she work peacefully, isn’t it?
Such a powerful post Rakhi! I have battled PPD too during both my pregnancies and it has really pulled me back. As a WFH mom, I really need to implement your attitude.
Your words made me agree to your points…. It’s a big deal
I absolutely agree with you. Often, we are the only ones who stand in our own way, and it’s upto us to overcome those self-imposed hurdles.